Things...aren't going so well lately. In the middle of the week, I was charged with energy unlike anything I had ever felt before, and it vanished, leaving me craving it to the point at which I nearly lost myself in it. Today, after eating lunch with a good female friend of mine, I was left with one of the biggest smiles I had ever smiled and one of the happiest moods I'd ever been in, but even that was snatched away by boredom and lack of action. I hate to be a drama-monger, because I'm supposed to be past this bullshit, but everything seems to be determined to build up optimism and hope within me, only to smash it violently just to see how close to crying I get. I know I'm sensitive, but still...this is getting ridiculous. I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I'm supposed to be a good person, but how can I help others when I can't even be helped myself?
As for the #MSF Town Meeting...let's just say I don't know what to think about it. People seemed determined to talk about things, but it didn't feel to me like anything was actually accomplished. The fact that people argued for over an HOUR on the PG-13 debate and nothing was even reached on it proves this. If anyone needs logs of the main meeting itself, let me know and I'll get one to you. There was some other stuff afterward that I didn't save, because it really wasn't part of the meeting any longer. All in all, though, I don't think I'll be popping into IRC much for a while...not until things start getting interesting again. If the only purpose of the IRC channels is for people to be unbelievably random and scream "OMG CUTE~!" every 5 minutes...I don't have any reason to come around any longer. I can get the informed discussion I need from people on AIM, rather than attempting it on IRC and getting reamed for having an opinion. I can't sign onto #MSF and pretend everything is pretty and happy when I can't even laugh at anything in there anymore. So, from here on in, if you need me, catch me on AIM first, although I may pop on to IRC from time to time.
good news, though. Lots of new information has been released on Disgaea 2, and I always welcome this. Rather than try to explain it all here, I'll just link ya to it. (Courtesy of RPGamer)
Also, TRON is in Kingdom Hearts 2? What the hell? I can't say I'm angry about it, it looks pretty interesting, but TRON? Damn...this must have been the big surprise world Nomura was talking about, not Pirates of the Caribbean.
Finally, I'm getting a free copy of Mario Kart DS pretty soon, thanks to some belated birthdays and stuff like that. Wanna challenge me? Let me know, I'm almost always up for a good Kart match.
All in all, though, things aren't going too well, and I honestly dont know how to handle it. Nothing I've done has worked, and any time I think I see relief coming, it's snatched away unfairly. I want to scream, but I can't. I want to lash out, but I'm powerless. There's something missing, a part of me that can't be filled by anything internal. I need to find something, someone, who I can prove myself to, who I can really
laugh with and smile with, and tell the truth about everything
to. The one who will pull away my masks, and let me be the real me. No more hiding. She exists somewhere out there, and I can't rest until I've found her. The time for playing nice
is over. I'm not letting anything or anyone get in my way any longer.